Updates and Thoughts
So much has happened since the last time I made an entry here. My husband and I moved out of our apartment and into a bigger place. I have made the decision to be a stay at home wife. We had a guy living with us for a while. He really took advantage of us and wouldn’t get a job, so we had to ask him to leave. We have made the same old mistakes and some new, but we are still standing. That is the most important thing, I guess. I have been struggling with my faith. I guess I shouldn’t say with my “faith” because it’s not like I doubt God or all He can do. I have just been feeling increasingly guilty for my wrongdoings. I am scared that He isn’t hearing my prayers anymore. I wouldn’t blame Him. I can’t expect God to stay by my side when I do things I know are wrong. I just have a lot to work on. Most importantly, I need to get closer to Him. God and Jesus are the only two stable things I have in my life. The Lord is the only thing that makes this life worth it, and I can’t sit back and let myself mess up the only thing that really matters. I just don’t really know where or how to start making myself better. I am an alcoholic. Turning down a drink is one of the hardest things. I cuss way too much, I am a glutton, I covet what is my neighbors, I am lazy, and I am sure there are more that I am overlooking. I’ve been thinking about taking a vow of silence for a while. Until I feel like I have regained my closeness with Him. I think it would also help me to take a serious look at who I am on the inside, and evaluate what needs to change. After all, the Bible does say “…Therefore let thy words be few…” -Ecclesiastes 5. I figure that means to Him, and to others. I think a lot of people get caught up in petty conversations, and forget to be mindful of what they are saying and thinking. We will see if God gives me a sign that a vow of silence is what He wants me to do. Thanks for reading.
Please listen to this song. It is truly inspirational and will touch any Christians heart. Especially those struggling like me. <3
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”