It has been a while

Hello again, October of last year I was talking about my weight and how I knew I had to do something. Well, guess what…I didn’t do anything. Even if I tried I just fell off the wagon again. But the good news is I am now going to the weight loss clinic and it helps me control my appetite.  I’ve been on the diet pills and watching what I eat for half a month now. I will not weigh myself for fear that I have not lost anything. I go back in about two weeks to weigh in and get more of the medication they are giving me. I’ve allowed myself to splurge with eating some things I want at times. Probably a little too much, but at least I don’t feel like I am depriving myself. I really feel like this go around I’m not focusing so much on how much weight I am losing and at what rate I am or am not losing it.  I am really just changing my habits. I don’t need to live to eat, just eat to live. Sure food is enjoyable, but it is not what my sole enjoyment is centered around. I’ve been keeping the house much cleaner these days and in general feel like I am taking better care of myself. I have to keep telling myself that I didn’t get fat over night, so I can’t get skinny over night either. It’s about making changes for the long haul. So I suppose I will check back in soon to tell of my progress or lack there of.

My weight

I have had a problem with my weight for what feels like forever. (all actuality it has only be about 2 years)  I was thin and very physically active in my childhood and teenage years.  Once I got married, that changed.  I stopped being so active and I started eating more. I don’t have the slightest idea why.  Maybe I just got too comfortable.  All I know for sure is that I am the fattest I have ever been in my life.  I have tried to change my eating habits before, only lost about 15lbs, and was right back to my old ways.  Something has to give though. My self confidence has taken a severe drop from what it once was (and I didn’t think it could get any lower to start with), I am concerned for my health (my heart in particular), and I am just plain unhappy. So I am giving weight loss another shot.  What feels like the millionth time I will have tried. I pray that I don’t fail again because I don’t know if my determination will come back after this. I feel like I’m at the end of the road, and from here it branches off. One way, I can be fat forever and probably die young because of it. And the other way I can be thin, active, and happy. It’s really a no-brainier what has to be done… I am just so afraid to fail again.  I know I will feel hunger pains for a while. After all I will be drastically reducing my portions.  How bad do I want it is the question. I haven’t weighed myself in a while (and don’t really want to). So I am going off what I knew i had to lose last time i tried to lose weight. I have 80 pounds to lose. That feels like so much, but i have to keep telling myself that other people in the world have more to lose than that. Sure some people have less to go to reach their goals, but some people definitely have more. keeping the old me in mind, the one I was when I would wake up at daylight to go running…. I can do this. I can so do this.